Introduction
” Things we never got over ” is a contemporary romance novel by Lucy Score, centered around the character Naomi, who is a runaway bride. She travels to the small town of Knockemout, Virginia, to help her estranged twin sister, Tina, only to discover that Tina has left her with an unexpected responsibility: her niece, Waylay. The story unfolds as Naomi navigates her new life in this rough-around-the-edges town, where she encounters Knox, a bearded, bad-boy barber who prefers solitude. As Naomi tries to rebuild her life amidst chaos and complications, she and Knox develop a complicated relationship that challenges both of their perspectives on love and commitment.
What Are the “Things We Never Got Over”?
When we talk about the things we never got over, we refer to events or emotions from the past that continue to affect us in the present. These unresolved issues can arise from significant life changes, failures, personal loss, or traumatic experiences. While we may carry on with our daily routines, these past experiences can quietly impact our thoughts, actions, and decisions, often without us realizing it.
Examples of things we never got over may include:
- A breakup or divorce that still feels raw.
- The loss of a loved one that remains a constant source of pain.
- A failed career opportunity or business that triggers feelings of regret.
- Childhood traumas that shape adult behavior and relationships.
Recognizing these unresolved emotions is the first step toward healing. Many people continue to carry their emotional baggage, unaware of how deeply these past experiences affect them.
How Unresolved Emotions Affect Our Lives
Unresolved emotions don’t just stay tucked away in the past. They manifest in our present lives, influencing our mental health, relationships, and decision-making. Holding onto emotional pain can lead to various negative outcomes:
Impact on Mental Health
When we fail to address past traumas or disappointments, they can manifest as anxiety, depression, or chronic stress. The burden of carrying unresolved emotions weighs heavily on our minds, preventing us from finding peace and happiness. For instance, someone who never dealt with childhood neglect may struggle with feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth in adulthood.
Strained Relationships
Past experiences, especially those involving relationships, often affect how we connect with others in the present. Unresolved emotions from a previous relationship may lead to trust issues, emotional walls, or an inability to form deep, meaningful connections. People who haven’t processed their grief or trauma may struggle with communication, fearing vulnerability or rejection.
Self-Sabotage
Many people unknowingly engage in self-sabotaging behaviors due to unresolved emotions. These actions arise from deep-rooted fears, insecurities, or guilt. For example, someone who hasn’t moved past a failed business venture may fear taking risks again, leading to self-imposed limitations that prevent personal or professional growth.
Physical Symptoms
Emotional wounds can even manifest in physical symptoms such as chronic pain, fatigue, headaches, or digestive issues. Our bodies and minds are interconnected, and unaddressed emotional stress can contribute to these physical ailments. Researchers have shown that prolonged emotional distress can weaken the immune system and exacerbate health problems.
Common Sources of Things We Never Got Over
Not everyone processes experiences in the same way, but some events and emotions frequently become sources of unresolved feelings. Here are some of the most common situations that people struggle to move past:
Heartbreak and Loss
Heartbreak, whether from a romantic relationship or the loss of a loved one, remains one of the most common things people struggle to get over. Grief and emotional pain can be overwhelming, and while time often softens the blow, some wounds never fully heal. When people lose someone they love, they may grapple with feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and deep sorrow, sometimes for years.
Missed Opportunities
We all have dreams and aspirations, but sometimes life takes us on a different path. Missed opportunities—whether in career, education, or personal endeavors—can leave lasting regrets. People may replay these moments in their minds, wondering “what if” and struggling to come to terms with what might have been.
Childhood Trauma
Traumas experienced in childhood often shape an individual’s entire life. Whether it’s emotional neglect, abuse, or abandonment, these deep-rooted issues can affect a person’s self-esteem, relationships, and worldview. Childhood trauma tends to leave scars that influence behavior well into adulthood, often creating challenges in personal growth and emotional healing.
Betrayal and Trust Issues
Experiences of betrayal—whether from a partner, friend, or family member—often become things we never got over. Betrayal not only causes emotional pain but also shatters trust, making it difficult to form future relationships. The lingering doubt and mistrust can create emotional barriers, preventing individuals from allowing others to get close to them.
Why Do We Hold On to These Past Experiences?
People often ask themselves, “Why can’t I just move on?” The truth is that holding on to past experiences is a complex emotional process influenced by several factors:
Fear of Confronting Emotions
Dealing with unresolved emotions requires facing the pain and vulnerability associated with them. Many people avoid this discomfort, choosing instead to bury their feelings. However, suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear; it simply hides them, allowing them to resurface in different forms over time.
Lack of Closure
Closure is a key element in moving past difficult experiences. Whether it’s a relationship that ended abruptly or the sudden loss of a loved one, the absence of closure can leave us feeling stuck. Without a sense of finality, people may struggle to accept what happened and move forward.
Attachment to the Past
Sometimes, people hold onto the past because of their attachment to the memories, even if they’re painful. These memories become part of their identity, making it harder to let go. The fear of losing that connection to the past—whether it’s a person, place, or experience—can keep people trapped in unresolved emotions.
Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame often play a significant role in why people hold on to past experiences. These emotions can stem from perceived failures or mistakes, making it difficult for individuals to forgive themselves. The burden of guilt prevents many from healing and moving forward.
How to Let Go of Things We Never Got Over
Moving forward from unresolved emotions doesn’t happen overnight. It requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to confront difficult feelings. Here are several strategies that can help individuals begin the healing process:
Acknowledge Your Emotions
The first step to healing is acknowledging the emotions you’ve been avoiding. Denying or suppressing feelings only prolongs the pain. Take time to reflect on your experiences and be honest with yourself about how they’ve impacted you. This self-awareness opens the door to healing.
Seek Professional Help
Therapy offers a safe and supportive space for individuals to process their emotions and experiences. A therapist can guide you through unresolved emotions, helping you identify patterns of behavior and offering strategies to cope and heal. Therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused therapy can be particularly effective in addressing emotional wounds.
Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing the behavior or events that caused you pain, but it allows you to release the emotional hold those experiences have on you. Whether you need to forgive someone else or yourself, letting go of anger and resentment can provide immense relief and emotional freedom.
Embrace Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness and meditation can help you become more present and less entangled with past emotions. By focusing on the present moment, these practices teach you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Meditation can help reduce anxiety, improve emotional regulation, and create a sense of inner peace.
Reframe Your Narrative
Instead of viewing past experiences as something that defines or limits you, try reframing them as opportunities for growth. Every experience, even painful ones, offers valuable lessons. By shifting your perspective, you can begin to see how these challenges have made you stronger and more resilient.
Set Boundaries
If certain people or situations trigger unresolved emotions, it may be time to set boundaries. This could involve distancing yourself from toxic relationships or avoiding environments that bring up painful memories. Protecting your emotional well-being is a crucial part of healing.
Engage in Creative Expression
Creative outlets such as writing, art, or music provide a way to process and express difficult emotions. Many people find that creative expression helps them explore their feelings in a non-judgmental space, leading to greater self-understanding and emotional release.
The Power of Acceptance
Acceptance plays a pivotal role in healing from the things we never got over. Accepting what has happened doesn’t mean condoning it, but rather recognizing that it is part of your past and cannot be changed. When you accept the reality of your experiences, you free yourself from the need to control or fix them. Acceptance allows you to focus on the present and create a new narrative moving forward.
Moving Forward with Resilience
Letting go of things we never got over requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Healing doesn’t follow a straight path, and setbacks are normal. However, by confronting unresolved emotions and taking steps toward healing, you can begin to reclaim your life. Resilience is built through these challenges, and with each step forward, you become stronger and more capable of embracing the future.
In time, the things you once couldn’t get over will no longer define you. Instead, they will become chapters in your story that contributed to your growth, wisdom, and emotional depth. You have the power to heal, move forward, and create a fulfilling life despite the past.
Conclusion
“Things We Never Got Over” by Lucy Score is a captivating exploration of love, family, and personal growth set against the backdrop of a charming small town. Through the journey of Naomi as she confronts her past and embraces her responsibilities, the novel highlights the complexities of relationships and the healing power of love. The dynamic between Naomi and Knox adds depth to the narrative, showcasing how unexpected connections can lead to profound transformations.
Ultimately, the story resonates with readers by illustrating that sometimes, the things we never got over can pave the way for new beginnings and a brighter future. Score’s engaging writing style and relatable characters make this novel a heartfelt read for anyone who believes in the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of second chances.
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FAQs
Why is it hard to let go of past experiences?
Letting go of past experiences is difficult because unresolved emotions like fear, guilt, or a lack of closure keep us attached to the past. Many people also avoid confronting painful feelings, which prolongs emotional healing.
How can unresolved emotions affect relationships?
Unresolved emotions from past experiences often lead to trust issues, communication problems, and emotional walls in current relationships. These unresolved feelings prevent individuals from forming deep, meaningful connections with others.
What is the role of therapy in overcoming things we never got over?
Therapy helps individuals process and understand their unresolved emotions, providing them with tools and strategies to heal. Therapists can guide patients through their feelings, offering insights and a safe space to explore difficult emotions.
How can mindfulness help with emotional healing?
Mindfulness encourages individuals to stay present, observe their thoughts, and detach from past emotions. It helps reduce anxiety, improve emotional regulation, and promotes inner peace, making it easier to heal from unresolved issues.
Why do some people hold onto past regrets?
People hold onto regrets because they feel attached to the “what ifs” and missed opportunities. Regret also stems from feelings of guilt, shame, or disappointment, making it difficult for individuals to move on.
Can creative expression help in the healing process?
Yes, creative outlets like writing, art, or music allow individuals to express and process difficult emotions. Creative expression provides a non-judgmental space for exploring feelings, leading to greater self-understanding and emotional release.
